


Lost and Found

by radondoran



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Community: disney_kink, F/M, Light-Hearted, Pre-Canon, Wedding Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-19
Updated: 2011-08-19
Packaged: 2017-10-24 06:34:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/260202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radondoran/pseuds/radondoran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Doofenshmirtz stumbles upon a unique memento of long ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [the disney_kink prompt](http://disney-kink.livejournal.com/4400.html?thread=2987568#t2987568) _Heinz and Charlene on their wedding night, but with a touch of sadness/angst since the marriage doesn't quite work out._

"Norm!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz called at the top of his voice. "No-ooorm! Have you seen the extension cord for my Shrinkinator ray anywhere?"

"It's probably wherever you left it!" returned the robot in his usual cheery cadence. "Maybe you wouldn't lose things if you ever cleaned up around here!"

"Fine, I'll look for it myself. Sheesh! I don't know why it would even be in here," Doofenshmirtz added to himself as he entered another closet, "but I've already looked everywhere it _would_ be, so, what the heck!" In aimless frustration he pushed aside a dozen lab coats on hangers; seeing nothing behind them, he turned his attention to the top shelf. He moved aside a box of snow boots, never worn, to get a better look.

The whole arrangement shifted, and another shoebox toppled down from the very top of the neglected stack. It narrowly missed Doofenshmirtz's head--this was his lucky day, apparently--and hit the floor with a clattering thump. Surprisingly, it did not burst open, and Doofenshmirtz noticed that it was secured with packing tape.

"Is this from when I moved in?" he asked incredulously of the empty closet. "Man, I really should clean up more. What's in here, anyway?" He ripped off the tape and began to rifle through the contents with nimble fingers. "It's just a lot of random junk," he concluded. "I mean, I don't even know what half of this stuff--"

Then he pulled one knickknack out of the box, eyes wide. "Wait, I remember this..."

\---

He and Charlene were laughing and leaning on one another all the way up the hall, giddy with champagne and fatigue and sheer happiness. It was within two yards of their own door that Heinz exclaimed, "Wait, wait, wait!" He embraced her tightly, as if he couldn't bear to part from her for even a second; then he did release her arm, and rushed eagerly ahead to unlock the door.

"I have to carry you over the threshold," he explained as he undid the latch and pushed the door open wide. "To confuse the evil spirits so they don't follow you into our new home."

"But I already live he--eeh!" Charlene began, and burst again into laughter as her husband passed a hand behind her knees and abruptly hoisted her up into his arms.

"That doesn't matter to the evil spirits," declared Heinz, singsong. "Alley-oop!" And, swinging her forward, he strode into the apartment, letting the door shut behind them.

He set his bride down gently on her feet and stepped back to admire her. It had been a long day: his own wild hair had begun to spring free of the gel about three-fourths of the way through the ceremony, and his shirtfront was far from unwrinkled. But Charlene looked more beautiful every second. Her dress was pristine; stray wisps of hair framed her face in a way the hairdresser couldn't have duplicated in a million years; and with that smile, and her eyes sparkling behind the glasses, she positively glowed.

"There. Welcome home, Mrs. Doofenshmirtz."

"Oh, I like the sound of that--Mr. Doofenshmirtz," she countered. "And it's good to be home," she added, sinking onto the couch.

Heinz plunked himself down beside her and undid his bow tie. "Whew, you got that right."

"I'm so tired," said Charlene, peeling off her shoes with a smile. "You know what I think we should do now? First, change into some comfortable clothes; and then eat a nice big dinner."

"That's the second-best thing anybody's said to me all day. Oh, but wait!" Heinz was grinning wildly again. "First, I've got a little surprise for you..."

"What is it?"

"Close your eyes." He kept talking as he retrieved it from its hiding place inside the floor lamp. "I know you didn't want to stay in a fancy hotel or anything, but I still wanted tonight to be extra special, so I just put together a little something. Actually, I got Roger to help me set it up--he's really not such a bad guy, you know? Open them." And he thrust it into her hands. "I give you... the Wedding-Night-Inator!"

She stared down at it: a sleek, rounded white remote, the same hue and sheen as the wedding dress, with a single small button that was ruby-red rather than big-red-button red. Heinz didn't usually bother to make the remotes attractive, but this was an exception--every part of this Inator had to be perfect. He watched Charlene, waiting for her reaction.

"Oh, Heinz." And now she really did sound tired. "I thought I said no Inators."

"You said no Inators at the _wedding_ ," he reminded her. "Go on, press the button. I promise it won't explode."

This was not the first time she had heard that, and it wouldn't be the last. But today, at least, she didn't doubt it. The button depressed with a softly audible _click_.

Immediately the walls began to rumble with a muffled thrum of machinery. The television came on of its own accord, the lights on the stereo came to life; and every speaker in the apartment, from the clock radio to the answering machine, began to pipe in soft classical music in unison. Charlene's abandoned white shoes teetered on the edge of a sudden gap as the floor folded away underneath the coffee table, which sank out of sight--then rose up again a moment later under a lacy tablecloth, adorned with a dozen red roses and a bottle of champagne cooling in a bucket of ice.

Then the lights went out.

"Another fuse..." Charlene began, then clutched convulsively at Heinz's arm. "Oh my God, it's on fire!"

But he only smiled. The flare lasted less than a breath, then fell away and resolved into a hundred tiny points of light that flickered all around the room like distant streetlamps.

"Candles," Charlene breathed. And of course the fuse hadn't blown, because the music had never stopped. Her frightened expression gave way to wide-eyed amazement. Her grip relaxed, and then tightened again, this time in affection. "It's beautiful," she said. Then: "Is that garlic I smell?"

Full of energy again, she rushed to the kitchen in her stocking feet with her dress rustling behind her. Sure enough, the walls behind the counters had sprouted a dozen mechanical arms, all of them busy chopping and stirring. "Dinner too?"

"Yeah, well, you know, it's really nothing much..."--Heinz, feeling suddenly abashed, tried in vain to flatten his hair again--"I just figured we'd probably be tired, what with the wedding and the reception and the flight tomorrow, and so I--I thought this way, the Inator takes care of everything, and you and I can just relax and enjoy ourselves, you know?"

"How thoughtful!" She put her arms around his neck and pulled him down into a kiss. "Thank you, Heinz. Everything's perfect."

"Yes," he agreed, looking into his wife's eyes. "Yes, it is."

\---

Dr. Doofenshmirtz sat on the floor of the closet, turning the white remote over and over in his hands. "Wow," he said at last. "I haven't thought about that in ages. I wonder if this still does anything?"

Impulsively he pressed the button. The _click_ was deadened by the small cluttered space.

"No," Doofenshmirtz answered himself; "no, I guess it wouldn't--of course it wouldn't, it's only an old remote. I might as well get rid of all this junk."

But he didn't move.

"Then again," he decided, "why bother?"--as if it were just a matter of being too lazy to throw it away. But there was nothing lazy in the way he carefully restored everything to the box, pressed the tape back on as well as it would stick, and wedged the whole thing in securely beside the snow boots where it wouldn't fall again.

He closed the closet door behind him, walked out into the living room and sat down on the couch with a sigh. In a few minutes Norm came up and looked at him curiously, or as curiously as Norm could look.

"Did you find it, sir?"

Doofenshmirtz looked up at him blankly. "Find what?"

\---

 **Meanwhile...**

"I can't believe you promised me a date night," exclaimed Estelle, standing in the middle of the dingy old apartment in her best red dress, "and you forgot to plan a date! What did you think, a romantic evening was just going to pop up out of the walls?"

Her husband didn't even look surprised when that was exactly what happened.

"How do you _do_ that?" she asked, and kissed him passionately.


End file.
